Days 9, 10, and 11 - Freud and Me

Have you noticed that writing is the best way to talk without being interrupted?  Maybe that's why I started this blog about eating.  Perhaps way down deep inside me there was a Freudian need to be heard. I almost embarrassed to talk about my eating and or dieting adventures with anyone.  My husband doesn't believe I can stick to anything, much less a lifestyle change...and why should he?  I don't have a very good track record with my eating habits. I set myself up for comments that will upset me if I talk too much around my house about food.  Plus for whatever reason I feel judged.  Feeling judged makes makes me feel heavy. Maybe the heaviness that I feel is one of burden.  Does that make sense?  Maybe I need help!

 I guess I should come really clean with you and let you know that I've delt with an eating disorder for longer than I can remember.  No I'm not anorexic.  If I had to label myself I'd say I have been bullimic.  Yes, I've seen a counselor.  She traced my eating problems back to when my stick-thin mother put me on diet pills at the age of 15.  Looking back at pictures of myself I realize that I was perfect the way I was.  If any of you who are reading this are mothers, please take heed and realize what an effect your comments can have on your daughters.

The past few days I've eaten without making any announcements to my husband.  I've eaten breakfast, lunch, and dinner and done okay.  I've been trying to think of carbohydrates as a garnish rather than a food.  Mostly I've been eating fruits, vegetables, and proteins.  Sounds boring but it hasn't been.  I've not been hungry but I've had to fight off the urge to eat late at night.  That's a habit that's going to be hard to break. I'm feeling persistent if nothing else right now.

Enough of the "heavy" stuff!  I've had lots of fun and exercise this week thanks to my grandson, dogs, and horses.  Babysitting for a 5-month-old, walking my dogs, and riding my horses allow me to be active almost constantly without feeling like I'm exercising.  Now that's something I can truly be happy about! Life is good.